What happened? You Good?
It has been months since I last blogged and SO much has happened.
Lets just dive in and see what happens… So hop on the plane and hold on tight because there is a lot to discuss.
Im going to start on kind of a weird note because that way I figure ill end on a happy note rather than a bitter one.
So an ex of mine recently entered into a new relationship. I never talk to him and don't follow him on any social media so how did I find out? I wandered over to his IG and he has done nothing lately other than post pictures of her with #WCW...so why do I care? I know he is the kind of guy who could be eternally single and be happy, and that is a big part of why he and I would have never worked out. So why do I care? Do I still want him? No. I don't. But I realized today that while I don't want my exes to want me, I don't want them to be in relationships/get engaged before I do. I am perfectly content living single and over the summer I had gotten to a place where I was happy with the idea of NEVER being married. A co-worker talked me through that and while I'm not stoked about the desire for marriage, I'm back to a place where I do desire to be a wife and a mother. But I hate that I just want my exes to be unhappy until I am in a place where they first can think "what have I done" that is so horrible and so narcissistic and I know I should never think that way...but I just don't like when people write me off for what I see as no apparent reason. So I acknowledge that I shouldn't feel this way and I know I need to work on that area.
Look at me being all transparent and life.
Soooo some happier news. I HAVE A JOB!!! I am officially working as a Certified Child Life Specialist! Thank you Jesus! I cannot thank you guys enough for all of your prayers and support over the last few years of heartbreak, devastation and disappointment. What I thought I wanted more than anything was not what God wanted for me, and I'm still trying to understand. While I may never understand fully I firmly believe that the Lord was and is protecting me from something there. I also believe that he has something very perfect and special for me here that I could not do there. So while I never expected to I officially call Las Vegas, Nevada, Home.
Also, Now that I'm in LV I'm trying desperately to find a church that I can learn and grow and serve. Im having a difficult time because I have found a church that I love but 1. The community groups are set up in such a way that I don't have an opportunity to meet other mid-late 20s Singles. The community groups are set up in a way that you just go to a group with people who live near to you. And no matter how many people I suggest to that it be based on your place of life I will be with marrieds with kids and college students and high school kids. So I may be back to square 1 on a church. AND because God doesn't like things to be easy for us (because then we don't learn to depend on Him) I have now learned that my work schedule will be SUNDAY-THURSDAY 0830-1700...... for the only one who cares to go to church (from what I can tell) this schedule is a little complicated... not impossible though...just takes more intentional effort.
So while I am discouraged and it seems that most of the people that I work with don't love their jobs I am still hopeful. I know God has me here for a reason. I know that God chose to love me with a love so big that He sent his only Son to the cross to be brutally murdered so that I could spend eternity with Him.
Which brings me to the most important and possibly the only point that matters in all my ramblings?
Today is Good Friday.
Good. Good Friday.
Putting the term "Good" in front of the Friday that is the day that we remember what Jesus did probably makes Believers look even crazier to people who don't understand God. But guys, it REALLY is GOOD. Because God is GOOD. Why? Why is it "good" that someone would be brutally murdered, why is it "Good" that a God who is perfect would send His perfect ONLY SON to die for a bunch of Totally depraved people who on their own would NEVER choose Him? If it were up to us we would continue to immerse ourselves in debauchery. But Jesus loved me so much that He said "no. I'm not losing her. I want to keep her." and God said "okay, you can, but you have to die, you have to endure the most painful death, and become sin, you have to be a sacrifice. THAT will be the ONLY way you can keep her." and you know what, Jesus did it. He did it so that I could come to know Him. The love of God is big enough.
We as tiny humans cannot comprehend a love that great. Because we are selfish, we feel entitled, like we did ANYTHING to deserve the love of God. When is the last time you did anything "Good"?... Im not talking about being polite or not flipping off the guy that cut you off..no, that is not "Good" Today is Good Friday, it is Good because God is GOOD and the fact that because of this Good, we can Know God.
THAT GOOD.
Jesus Good.
Im not Good.
God is Good.
you good?
Lets just dive in and see what happens… So hop on the plane and hold on tight because there is a lot to discuss.
Im going to start on kind of a weird note because that way I figure ill end on a happy note rather than a bitter one.
So an ex of mine recently entered into a new relationship. I never talk to him and don't follow him on any social media so how did I find out? I wandered over to his IG and he has done nothing lately other than post pictures of her with #WCW...so why do I care? I know he is the kind of guy who could be eternally single and be happy, and that is a big part of why he and I would have never worked out. So why do I care? Do I still want him? No. I don't. But I realized today that while I don't want my exes to want me, I don't want them to be in relationships/get engaged before I do. I am perfectly content living single and over the summer I had gotten to a place where I was happy with the idea of NEVER being married. A co-worker talked me through that and while I'm not stoked about the desire for marriage, I'm back to a place where I do desire to be a wife and a mother. But I hate that I just want my exes to be unhappy until I am in a place where they first can think "what have I done" that is so horrible and so narcissistic and I know I should never think that way...but I just don't like when people write me off for what I see as no apparent reason. So I acknowledge that I shouldn't feel this way and I know I need to work on that area.
Look at me being all transparent and life.
Soooo some happier news. I HAVE A JOB!!! I am officially working as a Certified Child Life Specialist! Thank you Jesus! I cannot thank you guys enough for all of your prayers and support over the last few years of heartbreak, devastation and disappointment. What I thought I wanted more than anything was not what God wanted for me, and I'm still trying to understand. While I may never understand fully I firmly believe that the Lord was and is protecting me from something there. I also believe that he has something very perfect and special for me here that I could not do there. So while I never expected to I officially call Las Vegas, Nevada, Home.
Also, Now that I'm in LV I'm trying desperately to find a church that I can learn and grow and serve. Im having a difficult time because I have found a church that I love but 1. The community groups are set up in such a way that I don't have an opportunity to meet other mid-late 20s Singles. The community groups are set up in a way that you just go to a group with people who live near to you. And no matter how many people I suggest to that it be based on your place of life I will be with marrieds with kids and college students and high school kids. So I may be back to square 1 on a church. AND because God doesn't like things to be easy for us (because then we don't learn to depend on Him) I have now learned that my work schedule will be SUNDAY-THURSDAY 0830-1700...... for the only one who cares to go to church (from what I can tell) this schedule is a little complicated... not impossible though...just takes more intentional effort.
So while I am discouraged and it seems that most of the people that I work with don't love their jobs I am still hopeful. I know God has me here for a reason. I know that God chose to love me with a love so big that He sent his only Son to the cross to be brutally murdered so that I could spend eternity with Him.
Which brings me to the most important and possibly the only point that matters in all my ramblings?
Today is Good Friday.
Good. Good Friday.
Putting the term "Good" in front of the Friday that is the day that we remember what Jesus did probably makes Believers look even crazier to people who don't understand God. But guys, it REALLY is GOOD. Because God is GOOD. Why? Why is it "good" that someone would be brutally murdered, why is it "Good" that a God who is perfect would send His perfect ONLY SON to die for a bunch of Totally depraved people who on their own would NEVER choose Him? If it were up to us we would continue to immerse ourselves in debauchery. But Jesus loved me so much that He said "no. I'm not losing her. I want to keep her." and God said "okay, you can, but you have to die, you have to endure the most painful death, and become sin, you have to be a sacrifice. THAT will be the ONLY way you can keep her." and you know what, Jesus did it. He did it so that I could come to know Him. The love of God is big enough.
We as tiny humans cannot comprehend a love that great. Because we are selfish, we feel entitled, like we did ANYTHING to deserve the love of God. When is the last time you did anything "Good"?... Im not talking about being polite or not flipping off the guy that cut you off..no, that is not "Good" Today is Good Friday, it is Good because God is GOOD and the fact that because of this Good, we can Know God.
THAT GOOD.
Jesus Good.
Im not Good.
God is Good.
you good?
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