Sunsets, Running, and Rap Music

"Trust" trust    /trəst/ Noun Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Verb Believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of. Synonyms noun .   confidence - faith - credit - reliance - belief verb .   believe - confide - rely - credit - hope - entrust That sounds like such an easy thing to do.. "just trust God" I am beginning to learn that i do not trust God the way i should. I put my hope in people, friendships, the hope of relationships and they all constantly fail me.  Proverbs 11:22 "A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pigs snout" Something that is meant to be beautiful is made ugly by missed purpose. If i dont trust God, the creator of everything that is and has ever been, why do i think that i can put my trust in friends who have proven imperfect for years. Why do i put my hope in sinners who are as bad off a...

well it has been a month for those of you who view my blog on a consistent basis. As i sit in what i refer to as my part-time home Rhino Coffee, i feel an overwhelming peace that can only be given by the grace of God. Coming here and being surrounded by their staff who jut happen to be a lot of believers can make an incredibly awful time seem nice. I started coming here when I was meeting with a friend once a week for coffee and catch up time. but rhino was just a weekly thing. Then i decided to take praxis 2. I pretty much moved into this quaint little business and spent more money than i really should have but every coffee was worth it. So i played studious and when the day came to actually take the praxis i felt less than prepared. With family and friends diligently praying i showed up to the testing center an hour and a half early thinking i would have time to sit and pray and just get my thoughts together before they actually sent me in to take the exam..well its a small center an...

           Okay God, You call me to trust you in every situation. I have now been denied entry to 3 internships. 3 of the 4 i applied for and at this point if i were going to have an interview i would know by now. This is exactly what i was expecting to happen but a part of me was still hopeful that i was going to be surprised with an unexpected interview and possible internship. But no. That was not God's plan. And although as of now i have no idea why..i am confident that my God is a God of purpose and not a God of confusion.         I am just starting to feel like I am running a marathon that will never end. Like every mile marker says "keep running" rather than actually giving me a mile marker allowing me to calculate how much longer i have until i can say, "Im done, i finished" Those words are dancing through my head but it is out of discouragement rather than because i am on to my next journey.         Its t...

Well, i have finally applied for 4 internships for the summer. But i have heard back from two, denying me entry into their program...so i wait. For the hospitals in Little Rock and in Orange, California to call me and tell me they might want me. But until then, I am studying for the PRAXIS!!  I cannot believe this is where i am in my life, i have a degree that i cant really use yet and i am not able to do what i really want to do without an internship but i dont have another option if i cant ever get an internship. SO, Here i am studying for praxis 2 "Elementary Education Content Knowledge" Im quickly being reminded through all of this that i am not in control, but my Father in Heaven is! Trusting Him is NOT easy to do, but once he puts you in a situation in which you absolutely cannot control anything it makes it a lot easier. I am done worrying about what is next i am just ready! Ready for the next chapter to begin, i am starting to feel like I am constantly reading the...

God has really been on me lately, about one thing. A word we throw around like pasta at a food fight. Love. And when I think about Love, my mind automatically goes back to my preteen years when I would close my bedroom door and crank my music up loud and dance around my room to the (and I use this word loosely) all-girl "band" who would sing songs about the drama that is 12 year-old relationships. However, whomever was writing their music did something right because I still 10 years later remember the words to one of their songs (yes if I tried I could probably sing the whole CD...both of them.) ANYWAY, the song was about love I think of the lyrics to that wisdom-filled song.... What is Love? It’s a kiss on a rainy day, a smile that won’t go away a safe place to run, what is love it’s a complicated simple truth a bond between me and you, the number one. All that's love. So...what?!? None of that depicts love. Yeah some of those things are n...

i know, i know it has been a really long time. God has placed a burden on my heart and my best thoughts come when im blogging and God reveals things to me through it so although i know there are a handful of people who read my blog i have a lot of thoughts i need to process, so here goes.  My number one question is   1.God, where is my husband?   No this isnt going to be that kind of post because the Lord has already revealed things to me and i just want to document them so that i have them.  I have spent the last 3 years single. Obviously for a reason. I have issues focusing on the Father when i am in a relationship. Until the Lord places someone in my life that can continually push me toward God, i dont think i will get married. But once God places a man in my life who LEADS. Not passively but actively leads. I believe that my mind will be blown by the amount of love i will be shown by Him. and i hate that i need that so badly, i wish that i was one ...

so I just read through a couple of my past blog posts and I can not even describe to you how red my face got. pining away after a guy who would never be interested. looking for something where there was nothing. complaining. sorry friends. God is so good. I cannot wait to share with you all what in the world Carmen Sandiego has been up to!