Sunsets, Running, and Rap Music

God has really been on me lately, about one thing. A word we throw around like pasta at a food fight. Love. And when I think about Love, my mind automatically goes back to my preteen years when I would close my bedroom door and crank my music up loud and dance around my room to the (and I use this word loosely) all-girl "band" who would sing songs about the drama that is 12 year-old relationships. However, whomever was writing their music did something right because I still 10 years later remember the words to one of their songs (yes if I tried I could probably sing the whole CD...both of them.) ANYWAY, the song was about love I think of the lyrics to that wisdom-filled song.... What is Love? It’s a kiss on a rainy day, a smile that won’t go away a safe place to run, what is love it’s a complicated simple truth a bond between me and you, the number one. All that's love. So...what?!? None of that depicts love. Yeah some of those things are n...

i know, i know it has been a really long time. God has placed a burden on my heart and my best thoughts come when im blogging and God reveals things to me through it so although i know there are a handful of people who read my blog i have a lot of thoughts i need to process, so here goes.  My number one question is   1.God, where is my husband?   No this isnt going to be that kind of post because the Lord has already revealed things to me and i just want to document them so that i have them.  I have spent the last 3 years single. Obviously for a reason. I have issues focusing on the Father when i am in a relationship. Until the Lord places someone in my life that can continually push me toward God, i dont think i will get married. But once God places a man in my life who LEADS. Not passively but actively leads. I believe that my mind will be blown by the amount of love i will be shown by Him. and i hate that i need that so badly, i wish that i was one ...

so I just read through a couple of my past blog posts and I can not even describe to you how red my face got. pining away after a guy who would never be interested. looking for something where there was nothing. complaining. sorry friends. God is so good. I cannot wait to share with you all what in the world Carmen Sandiego has been up to!

just a short post. I am tired of waiting. as much as God is saying wait be patient. I'm tired of waiting. I have been patient for 3 years. 3 years of watching my friends get married 3 years of watching people get engaged 3 years of me not being on a single date. not that I haven't been asked the guys that ask just aren't what I am looking for and so in order to not lead them on I respectfully decline. but 3 years of not being on a single date makes me wonder if telling God I want to marry the next guy I date was a mistake....

I didn't get it. The practicum that I have been waiting for. The one thing that could have gotten me out of where i am and onto what i want to do with my life, gone. All i have ever wanted to do is be with kids, love kids, make their lives something it isn't. I want to show them Jesus in a time when their lives seem to be falling apart. My entire college career dedicated to a major that makes everyone think you want to teach. Having to constantly explain what a Child Life Specialist is. It all feels wasted now. I had almost given up on Child life and was going to settle for patient activity. so i sent out 15 cover letters and resumes to hospitals all over the country, didnt hear a word back so i decided to go back to the dream. Now, that dream is crushed. Any hope I had of doing child life is now put on hold once again. maybe my reaction to reading the letter was a little extreme but boy did it feel good to stick it in my grill and burn it. It still doesnt answer my question...

Okay, i know friends, its been awhile. and so this post will give you a lot of my heart at the moment, and it is hard..to be so transparent...but it will also be long. You guys dont know it but i keep a list throughout the periods of time between blogs. and it has been a long time. So....My list, although i cant seem to locate it for the first time in weeks..i think i remember some of it. so you get the edited version. Fasting Adoption Friendships Men... (sorry. this will probably be the long one. skip if you wish) MY MARINE! I write my blog just as thoughts that cross my mind, (explanation of the randomness..welcome to my brain friends) Ill start with Friendships: I am so blessed. If you are a part of my life i am blessed to know you. I was reminded of how amazing my friends are today, when i got to share a sweet conversation with my friend Xuan. i usually see Xuan at least twice a week and last week was lacking in Xuan time. I saw her for a minute at church but you dont ...