Sunsets, Running, and Rap Music

It may happen, the way that God can bring glory to his name by giving me a job I'm always scared of jumping the gun and looking like an idiot but at this point i don't care. I want to learn and do whatever he wants me to do. I applied for 3 jobs with sacred heart, the hospital where i completed my internship. None of my applications went through and before i knew it all three jobs were filled. I was broken, completely confused, scared and angry. God had given me such a strong desire to be there. Why wouldn't he allow me to pursue this incredibly seemingly perfect opportunity? That led me to question a lot. for instance, Do i really trust God with everything? including my career? And as much as i want to say yes, of course...i kind of think i wasn't trusting. So, I talked to my friends, anyone who would listen, including my friend who i like to call my "stranger friend" we were friends for almost a year before we ever met face to face. anyway, He told me ab...

Will I EVER get to work? That is what i am asking myself today, with eyes burning from tears and ears burning from a combination of stress/anxiety/anger/ and fear. I want to work, more than anything else and there is nothing standing in my way anymore other than a contract marrying me to a company who will allow me to do the only thing i have wanted to do for the last 6 years. be a Child life specialist. I have applied for probably hundreds of jobs by now and have gotten several interviews but no offers. I hate unemployment. I have no desire to ever do this again. All i want to do is be in the hospital and work with kids and help them to be less afraid of healing. But i can't. I can't because every time i apply i get shut down, I halfway think the enemy is railroading me because i was told that one of my applications was never even seen and now the position has been filled. Filled. By someone else at the hospital where i feel at home. The hospital that feels like the perf...

Gods timing always trumps our timing. I was just on indeed sad about the fact that there are no jobs at all, ever. when i saw a Job opening in houston...thinking it was a mistake i clicked on it to ease my thoughts that it was just an extended payment on the original Job that i was declined for. It is a new Job. In Houston. At Texas Childrens. So..I applied for it. My thought is maybe it WAS the right Job, but maybe it was the wrong time. Maybe God was using that Job to teach me patience. Maybe He just wanted me to trust him. Maybe he wants to stretch me past my comfort zone. The hospital is huge. Which scared me. and houston is big. But maybe this is what i need. I applied for so many jobs in the past few weeks. Maybe this isn't it, maybe ill get a different one. Only He knows, I just want to pursue every opportunity that He provides. So, yes this is a short post but I'm excited to see what he will do! :)

I've been in a funk lately. All i do anymore is study, however, I'm done with my test. Took it monday and i wish i could add somewhere in this blog that i passed...but i won't know whether or not i passed until the end of may. WHAT? yeah the end of may. They want to figure out the "minimally competent passing score" or something. Anyway, So now i am applying for all kinds of odd jobs to try to take up the next ten weeks. I was driving back and forth from conway ar the past few days and i started thinking. I think i am in a weird place where i legitimately feel stuck. I took my test but even though i am moving forward in my journey to my dream career, i feel like a marathoner who keeps passing mile markers but no matter how many i pass i still have 6 more miles. I can see that I'm making "progress" but I'm not getting any closer to my goal. Im running as hard and as fast as i can but i can't seem to get to a place where i have less than 6 mi...

    Losing Could be #Winning        "Let it Go"     Well, I feel lame. I think i killed my chances at Texas Children's, Honestly the hospital was so big that i was kind of intimidated. maybe i let my fear show, maybe i don't get the Job because i was too nervous, or because i talked too much, or maybe God surprises me and i get it regardless of how nervous i was, because HE is strong enough to do that. if i don't get it honestly I'm okay with it. I just want something. at this point I'm applying for jobs in New York. Places i have never even been on vacation i am trying to work at and live for who knows how long. It is scary but also really exciting.       I am excited to see what God does with all of this... I am depending on Him alone for a Job because i know that no one is going to look at me, just barely out of internship, and say "yep she is the most qualified her for sure." no ha it will be more like, "uh..she has no expe...

Not sure when i typed this but it is in my drafts and it may need to be shared, so here ya go! Sometimes life gets in the way of living....other times life gets in the way of loving. I get to a point on days like today where i am so exhausted by the mundane things i pretend are important that i have to stop myself mid complaint and remind myself that things that i hold of importance are not what is necessarily the most important to Christ, and therefore are not of the utmost importance.

So this is unemployment....i gotta tell you i thought it would be a lot more fun. I am doing some fun things but honestly most of it is wondering when i will get a job. I have applied for so many jobs. From New York to California trusting that God has someplace really good in mind and that all it will take is for me to trust and apply everywhere i can find. Who knows maybe he is preparing the heart of a man for me in one of these places. Maybe not. How will i know unless i apply everywhere i can?! So i applied every place that i could, and a crazy thing happened.... Im training for a marathon guys. Like a full "you're crazy" 26.22 stinking miles of pain Marathon. and i can't wait! Little Rock, Arkansas March 2, 2014 Im coming for you. I may start at 6am and not finish tip 1pm but I'm doing it! Honestly i couldn't be more excited. We talk about challenges and things we wouldn't be able to do without the Strength of Christ but running is really one of thos...